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Amusing reviews I’ve read today

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OK for some reason today is the day for things that make me snort. Two reviews for books I've read had me chortling away:

Twilight (The Twilight Saga, Book 1)
Twilight (The Twilight Saga, Book 1)
Stephenie Meyer

A Twilight Review here: http://mekosuchinae.livejournal.com/39690.html

This is so snarky.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and

 

Games of Command (Bantam Spectra Book)
Games of Command (Bantam Spectra Book)
Linnea Sinclair

A review of Games of Command by Linnea Sinclair here:

http://thebooksmugglers.com/2009/03/guest-dare-games-of-command-by-linnea-sinclair.html

This reviewer liked the book a lot (which is good because this is my favorite Sinclair so far) and she still made me laugh.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And for good measure here's a short story that pokes fun at the idea of certain kinds of heroes: http://www.romancingtheblog.com/blog/2009/03/18/one-hero-doesnt-fit-all/

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Kitty Takes a Holiday by Carrie Vaughn

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Kitty Takes a Holiday (Kitty Norville, Book 3)
Kitty Takes a Holiday (Kitty Norville, Book 3)
Carrie Vaughn

Kitty Takes a Holiday is the third of the Kitty Norville series by Carrie Vaughn. In this series a werewolf with a talk radio show introduces the world to the supernatural.

My earlier reviews:
 
Because of the events at the end of Kitty Goes to Washington, Kitty is ready to take a break, so she's rented a house in southern Colorado. It's practically in the middle of nowhere, which allows her wolf half to roam and her human half to hide and write a book. Unfortunately those plans aren't going so well. Kitty hasn't written much at all and her wolf is taking over more than she'd like. Then Kitty begins to feel watched, and she wakes up to find dead animals and blood on her front porch. Local authorities are unhelpful at determining the source of the problem, and things only seem to get creepier as time goes by.
 
My thoughts: Despite the ongoing mystery of what is targeting Kitty, if I were to classify this book I'd call it the relationship book. Kitty's friends Ben and Cormac make significant appearances, and they begin to be cemented as major characters in this series. Reading back on my opinions of the earlier two books where I was saying that there was very little to no romance but I suspected a potential love triangle – well this book changes that. It actually surprised me that what happened occurred in this book when there was little prior attention to these things before, but I wasn't complaining. I found it refreshing the way Kitty addresses some of the questions that are brought up head on, but that doesn't mean things are resolved. I'm certain that things can (and will) change at any moment. I'm trying to be vague and not spoilery here so I'll just say that I really enjoyed the way things progressed.  
 
Another one of the things I mentioned in my last review was about Kitty's view of her wolf half. I'd said it was interesting how Kitty in her wolf form was written in the third person while the rest of the book was in first. In Kitty Takes a Holiday some light is shed on how Kitty views her wolf half when she talks to a newly made werewolf that helped me understand her situation some more. I really like how information in this series is not dumped all at once and instead is dispensed in the natural course of the story.
 
A third interesting thing, was this book had a very different type of plot from the other two. Rather than the last third of the book being where the action is, the action happens earlier when we discover the cause of Kitty's disturbing visitations.  The consequences of the action is what gets dealt with at the end of the book, and boy is it a doozy. Again; I was surprised.
 
Overall: This was a really good installment of the series and so far my favorite book. I was blown away at some developments and I there will be significant impacts to story arcs, so it's worth reading just to get to this point. Also of the three books I think this one also had elements that I found truely menacing, especially in one particular scene where Ben and Kitty do some investigation, even when what happened was in broad daylight! I am really looking forward to reading Kitty and The Silver Bullet, the next book in the series.
 

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Pants on Fire by Meg Cabot

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Pants on Fire
Pants on Fire
Meg Cabot

This was another library choice because I wanted to read something light for a bit. Pants on Fire is a standalone young adult. This one is typical Meg Cabot - just a fun read, but I didn't connect very well to the protagonist/narrator. Anyway, it was cute. I keep thinking this to myself after reading young adult like this: maybe I'm too old for young adult books. But then I pick up another one.

Katie Ellison lives in Connecticut in the seaside town of Eastport. Everyone there is crazy about Quahogs. That's both the bivalve and the high school football team. Secretly Katie hates the tast of quahog, and she doesn't think that football is that great either, but because she wants to keep people happy, she never voices this opinion. She's a well practiced liar and just tells people what she thinks they want to hear. Naturally she's very popular. This year she's running for Quohog Princess, while spending her free time kissing boys – either he jock of a boyfriend Seth, or the guy she's running around with behind his back, Eric. I know, she really doesn't sound very likeable, but somehow it gets pulled off, probably because Eric and Seth get painted as really only good kissers but other than that not complementary for Katie.

Suddenly Katie's life gets distrupted by the arrival of Tommy Sullivan. Tommy left town in eighth grade under shocking circumstances, and Katie can't believe he's back. She also can't believe how great he looks and how tall he is, but she's convinced he's after her for revenge.

Overall: While I had a hard time believing that Katie was actually considered a brainiac in her school what with the addiction to making out with people, and being so bubbleheaded about certain things, she was overall likeable enough for me to keep reading, and eventually Katie does redeem herself for her past actions. It was a fun story and overall the romance was cute, though I cringed in certain places (contact embarrasment)!

What happened with Tommy and why Katie is so paranoid about his return is also not fully revealed and only hinted at throughout the book. This drove me slightly batty until all was revealed near the end (hmm, very sneaky Cabot). 

Excerpt through HarperCollins BrowseInside

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Made To Be Broken by Kelley Armstrong

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Made to Be Broken (Nadia Stafford, Book 2)
Made to Be Broken (Nadia Stafford, Book 2)
Kelley Armstrong
I can see the Nadia Stafford series as a tv show. It falls into the same category as a crime drama like CSI – shot mostly at night, but it also has the action of a spy thriller like Alias or La Femme Nikita. Despite this Armstrong series not being urban fantasy like her Otherworld books, I think it still has Armstrong traits – a smart heroine, a dark but not too dark storyline, plenty of action, plus some romantic elements. It's one of my favorite series out right now.
 
The basic background is this: Nadia is an ex-cop who left her law enforcement career amidst a very public shaming for killing a suspect in her custody. Knowing the the deepset trauma in her childhood that Nadia had never been able to come to peace with, her reasons for the killing become obvious. Of course, growing up in a family of cops, Nadia finds herself alone after this act because none of them agree with her method of justice. Now Nadia's the owner of a hunting lodge and channels her passion into a secret side job as a the contract killer "Dee". "Dee" works for one mob family, earning extra cash to keep her business afloat, but she only kills people who got away with some crime that deserves punishment.
 
Surrounding Nadia is a small group of people. Her hunting lodge employees on one side, her mentor Jack and a few people in the hitman business on the other. So when the teenage girl who Nadia has been paying to work part-time at the lodge disappears along with her baby, despite the town's belief that Sammi just ran off, Nadia decides to find out what happened.
 
I am not feeling very coherent right now so I think another bullet list would be best:
 
  • I have a lot of the same comments as with the first book as this one. The characterization stays consistent between the books. My review of book 1 (in which Nadia and her fellows track a hitman turned serial killer) is here, and reading it I agree with myself there for this book too:
    • "Almost everyone in this book: is the strong silent type. Even Nadia." – Nadia is pretty quiet but her mentor takes it to another level. He barely speaks in full sentences until he's putting on another persona. So background information comes in crumbs and it is fascinating to find out details about the characters.
    • "The whole profession: REALLY interesting to read about." There is so much secrecy to keep their identities secret from each other – after all they're all killers. Nadia's identity is known by Jack and Evelyn only as they sought her out first to get into the business.
    • "this book was delightful because I like a smart heroine. And Nadia Stafford is a smart woman; she has to be, she's a hitman."
  • Again this book is told from the first person viewpoint, and this time we don't shift focus away from that.
  • Nadia is very smart and good at what she does, but because she's "the strong silent type", she can be a bit oblivious about relationships. As is her mentor Jack. It amused me no end that another character, Evelyn, gets exasperated by it.
  • The love triangle I thought there were hints of in book 1 begins to take shape in book 2. But of course, Nadia being dense doesn't really see it. So this has romantic elements because of it, but it's slow moving.
  • The culmination of the missing teen case was quite good. I liked how it was handled and how Nadia took care of herself quite easily in the situation she found herself in.

Book excerpts: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

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Doubleblind cover

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Doubleblind
Doubleblind

Ann Aguirre posted the Doubleblind cover up on her website yesterday. Isn't it PRETTY? I really like it. She also posted a blurb:

"It’s not easy to tread lightly wearing steel-toed boots.

Sirantha Jax isn’t known for diplomatic finesse. As a “Jumper” who navigates ships through grimspace, she’s used to kicking ass first and taking names later—much later. Not exactly the obvious choice to sell the Conglomerate to the Ithtorians, a people whose opinions of humans are as hard as their exoskeletons.

And Ithiss-Tor council meetings aren’t the only place where Ambassador Jax needs to maneuver carefully. Her lover, March, is frozen in permanent “kill” mode, and his hair-trigger threatens to sabotage the talks—not to mention their relationship.

But Jax won’t give up on the man or the mission. With the Outskirts beleaguered by raiders, pirates, and the flesh-eating Morgut, an alliance with Ithiss-Tor may be humanity’s only hope. Which has Jax wondering why a notorious troublemaker like her was given the job…"

This book comes out in October September 29th, 2009. I'm now going to update my wishlist since I somehow missed this one. Ann will also be in the anthology The Mammoth Book of Vampire Romance 2, which I also have to look out for.

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Match Me if You Can by Susan Elizabeth Phillips

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Match Me If You Can
Match Me If You Can
Susan Elizabeth Phillips

I was in the mood for a HEA on saturday and I'd never read a Susan Elizabeth Phillips book (something that I heard should be remedied), so I picked up Match Me If You Can on a whim.

Here's the premise: Annabelle Granger is a vivacious redhead who is starting off in the matchmaking business in Chicago. The business used to be her late grandmother's but Annabelle is modernizing it and changing the name to Perfect For You. She just needs a big name client to help spread some buzz – that's where super sports agent Heath (The Python) Champion comes in. Through Heath's searching for the perfect wife, and Annabelle's connections to some famous footballers and their wives, gives her an in to speak to Health about hiring Perfect For You.

Thoughts: At first I found Heath to be a bit unlikeable but despite a few jerky moves, his overall motivation seemed honest and he did acknowledge his mistakes and felt guilt over them.  Health had a strange notion of the perfect wife – refined, intelligent, beautiful, but at the same time willing to be his slave and raise his kids without complaint. His ideas were all about image and his life plan, which stems from wanting to shed his beginnings as trailer-trash, living with a drunk father and no mother, only an endless parade of his father's girlfriends who always ended up leaving. Of course Annabelle is the one for him, but he didn't really realize it. In the meantime they spend a lot of time together, and Heath began to grow on me. His teasing of Anabelle was fun because she gave as good as she got. Annabelle was an interesting character, I had a harder time really pinning her down, I wish I had more time in her head. Sometimes she's vulnerable and insecure, but other times she's confident and articulate.

There were a lot of secondary characters (some from previous books), and also a secondary romance which I liked as much as the primary one. Some of these characters I really found interesting (Dean Robillard, Portia, Bodie) but some of the cameo characters I wasn't as interested in. A couple of characters I could have done without, for example Annabelle's ex. His story felt like a red herring that didn't really add much other to have something for Annabelle to have a complex over. It felt out of place to me, because I didn't think her that deeply affected by it, but perhaps this is splitting hairs. 

Overall: This was a fine read. Funny in places, good happy ever after with hero doing some decent repenting and being raked over coals, and good interaction between characters. I also liked how the romance built up slowly and you could believe these two fit together. But it didn't quite do it for me. I have to say that it's one of those times where I can see others loving this book but something didn't work for me personally. I can't put my finger on it really. Maybe the overall plotline just didn't excite me? Maybe it was a couple of odd phrases that jarred me (guinea fowl breasts? use of the word 'spunk'?) that may not even be noticed by others. Maybe it was my mood?  I feel like I will very likely find a SEP book that I will love (I really want to read her newest release), but this didn't quite get there.

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Kitty Goes to Washington by Carrie Vaughn

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Kitty Goes to Washington (Kitty Norville, Book 2)
Kitty Goes to Washington (Kitty Norville, Book 2)
Carrie Vaughn

Kitty Goes to Washington is the second of the Kitty Norville series by Carrie Vaughn. Review of the first book, Kitty and the Midnight Hour is here.

 
It's been a little while since the events in book one, and Kitty has been touring the United States, driving from one radio station to the next to host her radio talk show about the supernatural, The Midnight Hour. On the way to California, Kitty receives a call from her lawyer, Ben O'Farrell, who gives her the news that she's been subpoenaed by the Senate on a hearing about paranormal affairs. Kitty is apprehensive, but she  wants to avoid a witch hunt against shape shifters and vampires, so she goes.
 
*** mild spoilers for the first book from this point ***
 
What she finds is a bunch of people in Washington D.C. working towards their own pet agendas regarding the supernatural community. Because this book takes place mostly in Washington, characters and story lines related to her ex-pack and the vampires in Denver don't come into play.  We do however see some familiar characters – Ben, Kitty's lawyer, Cormac, the hitman who specializes in werewolves, show up to support Kitty. There is also Dr. Paul Flemming, the head of The Center for the Study of Paranatural Biology, whose press conference at the end of the first book prompted these hearings. Kitty finds his motives suspect but isn't sure what he's really involved in. Finally there's Elijah Smith, a dangerous man no one is sure is human who claims he can cure the supernatural who shows up at the hearings as well. After the death of one of Smith's followers that escaped and called Kitty in the last book, Kitty is determined to expose him, whatever he is.
 
Kitty also continues learning from other supernaturals. She meets new vampires and shape shifters in Washington, and discovers a very different approach than the werewolf pack and vampire families she had been exposed to.  There isn't a shape changer pack, the weres in Washington are independent allies, and rather than a large vampire family with one leader who controls everyone, there is Alette, a beneficent vampire who wants to help Kitty in her own way.
 
I really like the way that Vaughn writes the real world. I can see Washington, I can see wherever Kitty is and it doesn't feel fabricated. Scientists sound like scientists, politicians sound like politicians, people seem to have layers like in the real world, not like caricatures, and because of this it accepting the supernatural in the story didn't feel very hard. Through the radio show and Kitty's encounters with people of her own kind you see each supernatural creature as individuals coping with their "disease" in their own ways. No one is pure evil, just human.
 
I'm still curious about Kitty's relationship with her inner wolf. In this book and the last, while most of this book is first person, the narrative switches to third, like the wolf is a separate character, not part of Kitty. Maybe this is to show that Kitty is still differentiating herself from her "other half" because she's a new werewolf and not fully comfortable or in control of herself. I wonder if that will start to change.
 
As I've said earlier there is very little to no romance in these books, but Kitty has a fling in the middle of things (doesn't seem very serious), and there was one small suggestion of interest in Cormac, but I'm not sure if that's going anywhere, they seem like an odd couple. I suspect a potential love triangle, but maybe I'm just reading more than there is.
 
Overall:  Less dark to me than the first book but still gritty, and an enjoyable continuation of the series.  There is strong world-building – the supernatural aspects are explained artlessly, without info-dumping. When Kitty learns something new, it doesn't feel like it's only to progress the plot, but to develop the world further, and I found the description of the world very realistic. The book was a quick read, and pacing was good, particularly the last third of the book, when I was so caught up with what was happening, I stayed up till 1am to finish it! Extra bonus: the short story Kitty Meets the Band at the end of this book.
 
Links:

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Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer

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Breaking Dawn (The Twilight Saga, Book 4)
Breaking Dawn (The Twilight Saga, Book 4)
Stephenie Meyer

Yay, I've finally finished the Twilight series! Breaking Dawn was the fourth and final book in the saga that follows high school student Bella after she meets and falls in love with her vampire soul mate. So far the first book, Twilight covers Bella discovering vampires and Edward's family, New Moon and Eclipse covers their growing pains with their controversial love, and finally Breaking Dawn is their cementing into a family.

Man this was a long series:

Twilight: 544 pages

New Moon: 608 pages

Eclipse: 640 pages

Breaking Dawn: 768 pages

Note how each book is longer than the last? Ahh!

So spoilers for earlier books from this point on. Here are my reviews of New Moon and Eclipse. If you read them you'll know I have many rants about the relationship between Bella and Edward and about the way certain characters acted. New Moon was my least favorite book because of Bella's angst. Eclipse was slightly better, though I still had problems. 

Breaking Dawn was better than the previous two, but I liked Twilight the best, because that was when I was oblivious to some of the character's flaws and was most able to just enjoy the story. 

Because this is such a popular series I've heard how many fans of Meyer's had huge problems with Breaking Dawn which led to them returning the book in droves. Which really puzzles me: how did you not see this coming? I think that Meyer is the QUEEN of premonition – from book 1 you know Bella's fate, and in every. single. one. of these books the preface starts off with a preview of what is to come which pretty much gives away the whole plot! You didn't notice this? Really?! I read this books preface and I made several guesses which all came true. So while I was laughing at the what-the-fuckery, I wasn't super surprised. Actually, making guesses and having them turn out as expected was my entertainment, though there were some moments that I rolled my eyes at things being laid on a little thick.  Also – I never thought that the ending wouldn't be one where everything wasn't going to turn out all right, so no surprise when Meyer took a lot of easy ways out on things. Boy was this book long though, I thought it would never end.

Overall: Although most of the book was predictable with a lot of convenient short cuts and no real sacrifices by the main characters, there were some amusing moments and I found the characters less annoying than in previous books. There was also more actually going on rather than me ending the book thinking – 400 plus pages of nothing much happened that could have been made shorter. So I'd say – above average and entertaining, but didn't blow me away.  

**** OK major spoilers from now on, really. I'm going through the book point by point and ranting freely ****

Let's take a look at things chronologically.

1. Preface: Well I already talked about the preface giving up the whole plot.

2. After the preface, the first thing I noticed was: Book 1: Bella. What? This book is divided into books with different narrators? Random. All the other books had Bella as a narrator. OK, fine, I'll just roll with it.

3. The wedding. This is really my notes as I was reading the book:

  • Edward bought her a Mercedes "Guardian"? Cute.
  • Bella's father and mother seem to be taking the wedding very easily. Too easily?
  • Jacob is still a wolf and roaming. Charlie is concerned but Bella and the wolves know he's not missing.
  • The wedding was nice. Maybe sappy, but alright.
  • OK this seems too easy. Tanya's people come to the wedding, feel guilty about not helping with Victoria in Eclipse?
  • JACOB comes to the wedding so Bella can be happy? Too easy!

Notice how I use "too easy" a lot. And this book is just starting. I got the distinct impression that Meyer just wanted to skip by some of the tougher things and move the plot along to where she wanted it, and having people actually angry at Bella getting married (her parents, Jacob, the Denali coven) would mess up where she wanted it to go. So she took some short cuts. Thankfully – hell DOES finally break loose when Jacob realizes that Bella is having a real honeymoon with Edward (as in: vampire/human sex! Oh no, he'll kill her!). Jacob is incensed! Of course, in typical Bella fashion, instead of being really annoyed at Jacob she just blames herself. Ug, I rolled my eyes. As I've said repeatedly, I find her martyr attitude highly annoying.

4. The honeymoon : Edward and Bella have the honeymoon on a secret location from Bella, much romance ensues which was highly cheesy. My notes: "sex! – not told! We have the morning after!" Again, not surprised at all. I laugh at fans that expected some details. The previous books where Edward thinks he's going to hell for being a vampire, and so doesn't want Bella to be damned like him, and where Edwards also wants to get married first kind of point towards some very traditional values. I didn't want the details anyway, so this was fine with me. I was a bit surprised (but I guess I shouldn't be), that Edward's a virgin?! Seriously? He's about 80 or so? Yeah right. After the sex, I was somewhat irritated by how Edward got very mopey about the bruises Bella gets from their sex. At least Bella actually tells him off, but then we also have to suffer while Bella has to beg Edward to have sex with her after that. Oh boy, drama. Bella also gets weird dreams in the honeymoon which I thought just repeated what's going to happen. It's weird that Meyer puts that there and then Bella never tells people hey I dreamed all this would happen!

5. The Pregnancy: This is supposed to be a shock, but anyway. What I found surprising was that in 5 days Bella had a bulge. That was crazy. Then Edward wanted to kill it to save Bella, which was also crazy and out of character for someone so concerned about "sinning".  It felt odd to me that he didn't even moan over that crisis of conscience – Bella's life lost if her baby kills her, or killing another life. Hmm, I guess Meyer didn't want to have that kettle of fish. Bella calls Rosalie for help. Which explains why the one scene in Eclipse with Rosalie in it just had Rosalie come in to say how much she wanted a baby (which I thought was yet another a big hint of what was to come in Breaking Dawn too).

6. The Pregnancy part 2: This is where the narration switches off to Jacob's point of view. Bella has been rushed back to Forks, where Rosalie and half of the Cullens side with Bella to keep the baby, while Edward agonizes over Bella's probable death. Jacob is certain that Bella has been changed during the honeymoon when Bella comes back and tells Charlie she's "sick", so he's surprised to see she hasn't been changed, and even more surprised to find she's pregnant. Jacob has never been a fan of vampires, so his siding with Edward to kill the baby and save Bella was in character. Edward however, is so frantic all his morals go out the window. He's willing to have Jacob give Bella babies if that's what's needed. As long as Bella lives, she can have what she wants.

Although having Jacob narrate seems odd, I liked his point of view. His thinking seems more sane and normal to me than Bella's! He's not a martyr! Plus, he calls Bella one in his thoughts – how spot on. Having his point of view we get to see Rosalie as a pretty annoying person, wanting a baby so much she's fine with Bella dying to get it. At least Leah and Bella see this a different way - 1) as someone who wanted something so much and never could have it, so this one chance means a lot, and 2) as someone who feels that Bella is making the same decision she would, so she finally warms to Bella. However, I am with Jacob in finding her unlikeable. 

7. The Wolves React: Of course when the wolves find out about Bella's pregnancy they are ready to attack. They have no idea what's inside Bella, and the freakishly fast growth isn't a good sign. Strangly, Jacob doesn't foresee this before turning into a wolf, thus letting them all know. Or maybe it's not surprising since Jacob never did seem to think far ahead. In Eclipse we already know that Jacob should have been the pack leader so – Jacob goes Alpha and leaves the pack to protect Bella and the Cullens. Seth, who by now is a friend to Bella and Edward after the ending of Eclipse follows, as does Seth's sister Leah. This all seemed in character, and I liked hearing they're view of things and growth of friendships between the three defecting wolves. I also found it refreshing to see more of Leah's pain instead of her being painted as a horrible shrew, which I found unfair anyway (the one female werewolf who runs with the boys = total bitch? Wow). Leah also tells Bella off like she needed to be, which made Jacob and Edward angry because Bella was upset and crying over it (oh please). Conveniently for Bella though, because of Jacob, she and her baby are saved, because the wolves have lost their element of surprise for an attack. Not only that, but technically it seems that since his grandfather set up the vampire/werewolf treaty, Jacobs permission is all they need to let Bella be a vampire. Convenient times 2: no wolf fight and now Bella HAS to become a vamp to live.  

8. The Birth: While I knew this was coming, this had the most surprising bits and laugh out loud moments. The violence was pretty explicit after the fade to black sex – "then Bella vomited a fountain of blood", not to mention all the bones breaking because Bella's body can't accommodate a vampire/human hybrid baby. I was thinking - WTF, this is kind of awesome! Then Edward has to use his vampire teeth to open Bella up while there are buckets of blood, and Rosalie loses her control! After the baby is born though, the baby is is just "perfect", and she's good because she loves Bella.  The only reason why Edward went along with the birth – he hears the baby's adoration of Bella. Jacob of course is in anguish that Edward changes sides and then when he thinks Bella is dead (of course not! But hmm, maybe that's why Jacob is the narrator here, so we don't know if Bella makes it?), Jacob wants to kill the baby. Bella's name for the baby however is extremely terrible. I can't even begin. Awful. Then we have more convenient things: Jacob imprints on the baby! Ha, who didn't see this one coming? Come on. So now Jacob is okay, and this obviously explains why Bella is so inappropriately nuts about Jacob - it was the baby! Even though she was nuts before the pregnancy, but let's gloss over it – now they are normal friends.  

9. Back to Bella as the narrator (and Bella's Change): And I guess it's back to feeling irritated of Bella for me. Again with convenience – Bella is unlike normal newborn vampires, she doesn't go crazy! She has extreme control! Jasper is surprised, everyone is surprised. And Bella is gorgeous. When she was human she was "ugly". Now she's sooo perfect, but oh her lip proportion is slightly off so that makes it better because Bella's still in there. Ug. And now Bella hunts, but again, self control: she stops before hunting humans, and everyone is amazed. Her thirst keeps being described as a fire in her throat, I was getting tired of that. How is thirst = fire in your throat? Bah.

10. Inexpicable filler Now the book just lags for a bit. Bella gets her 19th birthday presents, she and Edward get to have off the page vampire sex. Jacob becomes a dumbass again and just goes to tell Charlie about the baby and Bella being in town in order to force them to get over the one issue that keeps them from being able to stay in town. And yet again, convenient for Bella – Charlie is fine! He doesn't know much, but he knows something supernatural is involved, and oh he doesn't want to know what has happened to his daughter! Father of the year award. Other stuff happens that I didn't care about.

11. Action again – Alice sees that the Volturi are coming to kill them all! And it's all the Volturi – guards, wives, everyone. This was also expected from Bella's dreams and the preface. Reason is: Irina comes by to say sorry for missing the wedding and mend bridges and sees Renesmee, the baby. She assumes this is a vampire child, not knowing that this is a hybrid, and vampire children are forbidden. Things happen quickly now, Alice runs off leaving a message for them to contact as many friends as they can to bear witness, and then disappears. Everyone is shocked, thinking Alice ran to save herself! I said yeah right, and it's rather silly people thought Alice left them for herself.  

12. Boring stuff, more filler - Now for about 100 pages, all these other vampires decend onto Forks as the Cullens try to work towards saving Bella's baby. We also get some theories about what the Volturi are really after, not for their supposed crime, it's their talents that Aro covets.  Bella tries to learn how to fight and use her powers (Edward doesn't want to teach her because he can't bear thinking of hurting her – what a drama queen!). Anyway, blah blah, was rather slow, could have been edited.

13. The Face-off:  Finally the Volturi arrive! Of course this is in the SAME clearing used in almost every book – where Bella watches the vampires play baseball and where they fight off the newborn vampires. Are there no other clearings around? Aro and the Volturi try one thing after another in order to have the excuse to break apart the Cullens and take their powers. Bella saves the day with her shield powers, and then Alice cames back like expected, to save the day some more. The end. No real sacrifice to Bella, no real fighting.

 P.S. While Twilight has hints of Pride and Prejudice, New Moon was inspired by Romeo and Juliet, and Eclipse on Wuthering Heights, I fail to see how Breaking Dawn has anything to do with A Midsummer Night's Dream. Though google says also The Merchant of Venice which I haven't read.  

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